| Active Listening by Pat Hughes
Communication is often thought of as what a speaker can do, verbally or nonverbally, to help the listener understand what is being communicated. For true communication to occur, however, the speaker must be actively listened to. That way, communication becomes a two-way street, with both parties participating. Hearing is a physical act of the ear. It is involuntary and done unconsciously. Listening is a conscious activity that takes active participation from the listener to achieve. Active listening is a learned communication technique, as most communication skills are. To become an active listener takes patience and practice. Each step must be used, and eventually it will become easier and unconscious. The six steps below can help enrich any communication exchange by using active listening skills. 1. Try ego-busting or putting yourself aside for the moment. Try not to think about what you're going to say next, while the other is actually speaking. 2. Be involved in the actual conversation. People can hear faster than people can speak, so it's easy to become distracted. Try to maintain true interest and curiosity in what the other is saying. 3. Always suspend judgment. Try to listen from the speaker's point of view, not from your own. You'll have time to agree or disagree when you speak. 4. Listen to the entire conversation. Try to avoid interruptions. You'll have a chance to speak later and would like to be listened to without interruptions. 5. Look at the speaker while you're listening. This provides nonverbal feedback, which is as important as the verbal feedback, which will and should come later. Feedback is essential for active listening. Nodding, smiling, shaking the head or frowning, are all feedback that the speaker needs. 6. Take notes, if at all possible. This helps to focus you on what's being said, instead of what you'll be saying next. Most people enjoy speaking, to get their point across, but becoming a good and active listener will make more people want to talk to you and they, in turn, will listen to you. Active listening is a reciprocal event. Most good listeners have three characteristics that they practice to make them good listeners. 1. They develop empathy. They know how someone else feels. This is a different feeling from sympathy. They just don't feel what someone else feels, after listening; they try to offer a solution. They don't interrupt and they suspend judgment while listening. 2. They provide appropriate feedback, whether it's negative or positive. You don't always have to agree to be a good listener. You just need to prove that you are listening. 3. They feel direct feelings, dealing exactly with what the speaker said, with no interpretation on what the speaker should be feeling. They try to offer solutions, not advice; they do not tell the speaker what she or he should be feeling. The main key to start learning active listening skills is to realize when you're just pretending to pay attention and when you really are paying attention. Most speakers can pick up cues that a listener isn't really paying attention, and that can hurt the communication event. Staring at the speaker, but providing no feedback, is one sure way of proving to the speaker that you aren't really listening. Communication is the only way that people can understand each other. Without that understanding, people can remain isolated, even in a room filled with people. Good communicators must first learn the craft, then the techniques must be practiced until they become second nature. There is no one quick and easy answer to becoming a better communicator, but knowing that there are quick and easy steps to becoming a better communicator is a good place to start. To become successful in life, a person must be able to accurately show another their way of thinking or their beliefs. It doesn't mean that the listener will agree with the communicator all the time, and it doesn't mean that the communicator isn't getting the point across, if there is no agreement. There are always two sides to every point, and by becoming an active listener, one can make the other side known to the communicator. Knowing both sides of the issue will only strengthen the communicator's position and ability to communicate. Disagreement will only help the communicator to strengthen their argument, but if either doesn't listen, the communicator has already failed in the effort to communicate with another. Active listening can help a communicator quickly reach the goal of having true communication. A good listener will have the pleasure of enjoying a two-way conversation, as well as being more readily believed. Everybody has the necessary skills to be a good communicator; all it takes is knowledge of the techniques and practice by the communicator to become better. Pat Hughes is a Communication Science graduate and teacher in Unity, Maine.
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